I love reading mom blogs. On the left hand side of my blog you can see links to some of my favorite mommy blogs. I think it's SO important that moms support one another, and respect one another, despite what your parenting positions are, especially when there is so much negativity out there today regarding "The Mommy Wars."
Which brings me to my next point.
I have noticed a trend lately among mommy bloggers and just other mommies that I DON'T like.
Maybe you've noticed it too. Moms seem to be banning together to be telling like it is and talking about the harsh realities of parenthood in a very candid way. Sometimes too candid. And too abrasive.
Recently, I saw a blog post by a mom whose son was allegedly called an "a-hole" by another mom. Hold the phone, are you kidding? Who says that about a kid?! As I am reading I am really feeling for this mom. But then she does the unthinkable-SHE calls her son an "a-hole." WHAT? I am sorry but what? How can you ever use a word like that to describe your own child? The context was that a friend was calling her son too wild and in turn called her son an "a-hole." But then she responded with: "Well what the hell does she expect? He’s a 4-year-old BOY! Of course he’s a wild, crazy a-hole!"
I understand that she was "joking," but joking or not I cannot ever even imagine using such harsh words about my child. I don't care how frustrated I am or how tired or spread too thin. It's just not acceptable.
I think some moms (bloggers or not) feel that moms who don't yell or swear or say sarcastic things are out of touch or trying to put on a show or something. Every mom is spread thin. Every mom is tired. Every mom has her moments. I get frustrated when my daughter has a tantrum. A few weeks ago we were in Target and Little Miss had her very first public meltdown. She wanted to drink out of a sippy that I put in the cart to buy for my cousin's son, and of course it had nothing in it so she was MAD. She screamed and cried and wanted to get down and I could have yelled or spanked her or swore or hung my head in shame. But, as someone wise once told me, life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it. So I did the best I could. We visited the snack bar where a very nice Target worker gave us a cup full of water. Then I got what I needed quickly, all while talking calmly to her and eventually she calmed down and we went home. Not once did I EVER think to call her a name or scream. Not my style. And I am Italian with a capital I, so that's saying a lot. But I believe childhood is precious and regardless of how hard things are, I never want to look back and regret something I said or did to my baby.
My point is, why are moms acting like it's "cool" or "funny" to rally together to say how much parenting sucks sometimes? I have seen so many things online lately whether from blogs or e-cards or memes that say things about how parents can't wait until their kids go to bed, or talk about how their kids are such a burden. I know most of it is probably meant to be in jest, and maybe I am more sensitive to certain things because of my stuggle to get pregnant. But is it really necessary to talk about your kids using swear words?
I know that mom was defending her son. And I don't blame her at all. I am not trying to pick on this one mom. I don't know her and I certainly respect her mama bear attitude. I would be and feel the same way if someone said something bad about my kid. But maybe tone it down on the harsh words. What is he going to think someday when he grows up and reads her blog and sees that his mama called him such a name?
Another post that made the rounds awhile back got to me as well.
This post had a mom talking about parenting "teams." So many people on my friends list shared and liked and commented on how great this woman's post was. She was all up in arms because she doesn't want to be labeled as a specific type of parent or be lumped into a group. She doesn't want to be called an attachment parent and is proud of using lysol and disposable diapers and thinks that because she uses or does those things that other moms will judge her. And maybe some will, but that doesn't make it right. But it also isn't right to talk about the people who choose to do or not do certain things in the same negative way.
That's fine that you don't want to be labeled. No one does. But do you need to be so negative about those people that DO like to identify with a certain group? I know that I personally love being able to identify with other like minded people. I have made a lot of friends this way and feel like I have a great network of resources of like minded mommies to go to for advice, support, or just to vent and talk! What's wrong with wanting to identify with others? That saying "It takes a village" has some truth to it!
I very proudly consider myself an attachment parent. You all know this. I am proud to nurse my babies anywhere and everywhere and ::gasp:: past the age of one. I baby wear. I co-sleep. We use cloth diapers. I did my best to make my own baby food. We spread out vaccines-but we DO get all of them! And I am proud of those things.
Have we used disposables? Yes! My daughter is in one right now as a matter of fact since we are sans washing machine. I have no plans to wash diapers in the sink. And I am ok with that.
Has my daughter had pouches? And pizza? And french fries? Yes! Because we do our best to shop organic and non-GMO but we also live life. And if it's pizza Friday then Little Miss is having pizza. And if we are at Tim Horton's she gets a timbit. And she loves it! And I am ok with that.
Guess what? I DON'T believe in home birthing! If you do, more power to you! But for me and my family, I am a firm believer in a hospital birth. I had a c-section due to an emergency situation the first time around, and yes I have a scheduled one for this baby. And I am ok with those things too.
But do you see me feeling guilty or swearing or talking bad about others who disagree with me? NO! Because everyone's situation is different, and every family has to do what's best for them. And I guarantee you that doesn't make me any less of an "attachment parent." Or a parent for that matter.
Go ahead and call me AP. Go ahead and call me crunchy. Or "team green" because I am not finding out the sex of my babies. Put whatever label you want on me. I don't really care. I think people who get mad about that kind of thing are thinking way too much about it. Maybe they feel guilty for not being more like this way of parenting or that way and that's their way of coping with it. Who knows. But I honestly think everyone needs to settle down, stop fighting about how we choose to raise our kids and just respect one another. No one needs to be getting all up in arms and swearing because they feel like they are falling short of the expectations they put on themselves-or the expectations that they believe or perceive others/society to be putting on them.
What we all need to remember is what it all boils down to: our babies.
As long as your little ones are fed, clothed, have a roof over their heads, are paid attention to and LOVED then you are doing a good job.
I know I am doing a good job. Because my little one is happy and loved.
So go ahead and put a label on me.
The only label I care about is the one my babies give me: Mommy.
Love and Laughs,
Danielle
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