Our Birth Story

Originally posted August 6, 2012

A lot happened before Little Miss finally came into this world safe and sound...thankfully! I wanted to write her birth story down so I would always remember the details and also so we could be reminded always of how lucky and blessed we truly are!

It all started around 38 weeks on my weekly routine trip to the doctor. I was worried that I was leaking amniotic fluid because I had to pee ALL the time. Like every 5 minutes (it turns out this is just what happens when a baby is pushing on your bladder!) So my doctor checked me out and confirmed that no, in fact I was not leaking just feeling the effects of a little head pushing down all the time! Par for the course. But he did want to check my fluid just in case so he sent me next door for an ultrasound.

The baby looked great on the ultrasound, however what they found was that I had high amniotic fluid levels (this is called polyhydramnios). Now me, not having a clue was thinking "Yea look at me I am a rockstar! My fluid is high and good!" Apparently this is NOT a good thing. My levels weren't super high, but they were elevated enough that my doctor wanted to monitor me and the baby. So he ordered weekly non-stress tests and sonograms in addition to my weekly OB visits (holy co-pays Batman!) but well worth it to be sure my little bee was safe and sound. That night I googled polyhydramnios...DON'T EVER DO THIS! You'd have thought I would've learned by now that google is evil. But I didn't have any clue what it was so I was curious. And then after I consulted Dr. Google I was even more nervous. Moral of the story is DON'T GOOGLE.

So the next day I had to go to the hospital for a non-stress test. Basically they strap electrodes to your belly and you click a button every time the baby moves. It's not bad especially if you can watch old episodes of Grey's Anatomy while you do it. I found that particularly ironic, that I was watching Grey's while IN a hospital. It made me giggle. Thankfully, the baby was A-ok and I got to go home. That night, Andy and I went on a date to the movies. We saw "Prometheus" which is an alien movie and the whole movie the baby was moving and kicking and squirming. I figured it was surround sound!

The next day though, was scary. I didn't feel the baby move for almost 24 hours. Not normal for my little peanut. I usually would feel a lot of movement in the early morning and evening hours before bed. The only thing I felt all day and night was a quick set of hiccups. I was so nervous and scared and the next day when I woke up I called the doctor right away. They got me in first thing for an ultrasound and thankfully the baby was fine. The fluid levels had elevated though, and my doctor wanted to do a biophysical profile (which is basically an extended ultrasound) to make sure the baby was ok. He also ordered non-stress tests twice a week and bio-physicals twice a week. He then suggested the idea of induction at 39 weeks in order to monitor the health of the baby and because with polyhydramnios, there can be a higher risk of uterine rupture, prolapsed cord, placental abruption, etc. if the labor is natural and uncontrolled (thank you Google). I had always wanted to avoid induction if I could but at this point SO many things were happening that were risk factors that I couldn't rightfully leave the office and not consider it an option. Especially when my little one's life was on the line. And I FULLY and completely trust my doctor, so it was never a question of him making me do anything I wasn't comfortable with.

So I continued to do my non-stress tests that day and the following week, and the baby moved less and less during the tests. I had to sit there for longer and had to drink ice water to feel movement. Thankfully I passed the tests, but it just confirmed my decision that we were doing the right thing.

On Tuesday afternoon I went to the doctor for my ultrasound and appointment and it turned out that I was already 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced. My doctor was confident that I would progress well and saw no reason not to have a natural childbirth. So that night Andy and I checked in to the hospital where they gave me cervadil which helps to ripen your cervix. Like it's a fruit haha! I was already 2 cm dilated when they gave it to me which was a good thing because it showed my body was doing what it should be doing! And at 39 weeks it was officially safe for the baby to be born (according to the March of dimes!) so I was relieved. Hubs and I played some games on his iPad, I read a little, we watched TV and went to bed. I was very calm and relaxed and had no worries, just nervous about what was to come. But I felt so good to be in a hospital being watched over!

The next morning very early I met my new nurse June who I have to say was missing a few screws. She had NO bedside manner and all she did was complain about the computer and how she didn't know how to use it. Thankfully I was out of it most of the time I was with her because if I was with it I may have snapped! At one point she was hooking up some wires and smacked me in the head with them. My mom and Andy and I looked at each other like OH NO haha! She was not all there at all! So June was an idiot, but I had a wonderful midwife named Jen and of course my great doctor to take care of me. To make things more complicated I have GBS which is just a strain of strep that can live in your intestinal tract. 50% of women have this and it's not a big deal at all except when giving birth. You need a dose of antibiotics before and during labor to be sure the baby it not affected by it. This is one reason I will ALWAYS choose to give birth in a hospital. The other reasons will be obvious after you read the rest of the story. So naturally June messed up and didn't give me my penicillin drip in time before my doctor got there (story of my life!) so he was NOT happy with her. So they quickly got the penicillin finished and they checked me and I was almost 3 cm dilated and 80% effaced. Which was great! They hadn't even started the induction yet and I was on my way to having this baby!

At that point my doctor broke my water (which let me tell you is a strange feeling!!!) and they started the pitocin. I started having contractions and was progressing along, however they kept losing the baby's heart rate. So they had to put an internal contraction monitor on me, and an internal monitor on the baby. Which was something I didn't ever want done but when you can no longer hear your baby's heart on the monitor things change and you do whatever it takes! The monitor on the baby kept coming out though and they kept losing the heart beat so they had to reinsert it 4 different times! Not fun at all but I was out of it at that point and in pain! They said it was coming out because it kept getting caught in the baby's hair! So I knew baby was getting ready if they could feel the baby's hair! That kept me motivated as things got harder.

Sometime during the morning the doctor and midwife came in to tell me that they were monitoring mine and the baby's heart rate and that they were concerned because every time I had a contraction the baby's heart rate would slow down. The pitocin had helped start my labor, but the contractions were causing baby to show signs of distress. They decided to stop the pitocin and see how labor progressed on its own. Well around the same time they did an internal exam and found that the baby was now posterior (face up) which is not the ideal position for labor. Just the day before the baby had been in the right position, but the increased amniotic fluid had given baby the time and space to flip. So I had to be on my side in hopes of turning the baby back to the anterior position. Not comfortable for several hours, especially during back labor contractions. Back labor is extremely intense and painful because of how the baby is pressing down when it is in the posterior position.

Once the pitocin was stopped my labor did continue on its own but the baby's heart rate continued to show signs of distress. Not as much as before, but still it dropped. They thought maybe the cord was wrapped so they were monitoring very closely. At one point my blood pressure even plummeted to the point where they had to put an oxygen mask on me. They continued to monitor both me and the baby during this time. During my contractions Andy was a great support. He held my hand, rubbed my back and helped keep me breathing. He finally knew it was time for the epidural when I ripped off the oxygen mask and couldn't be touched anymore. He told me he was so proud of how I handled labor. I never screamed at him or anyone, instead when things got tough I just cried! It HURT! So thankfully I was 5 cm dilated at this point and was able to get the epidural. They made Hubs leave the room and I had to lean on June for support while the gave me the epidural. June actually was pretty good at helping me through it but then after she was still a strange bird.

For those of you wondering, no, they never showed me the needle and no it does not hurt that bad to get the epidural! After contractions and in my case back labor, the needle was nothing. The first is a tiny prick that feels a little like a bee sting. That's the Novocaine to numb the area. Then the epidural itself is like having blood drawn. It starts working within a few minutes and boy were my legs NUMB! It got to the point where I would ask if I was having a contraction because I felt pressure but that was it. Eventually I couldn't feel anything! I was in such a good mood and feeling so well that I was able to fall asleep. This is also when I posted on facebook "Let's get this party started" and checked in at Millard Fillmore hospital! None of which I remember mind you! Hubs gave me my phone to pass the time and apparently I was ALL sorts of busy texting and facebooking! The point is, for hours before this I was in very bad pain and could barely relax all morning. Once I got the epidural it was smooth sailing! My advice to everyone? GET THE EPIDURAL! It makes a world of difference! One funny tidbit about this part of the day: June needed me higher up in the bed so she could flip me over to my side and because I was numb I couldn't move. So she asked Hubs to help her try and move me up. They each grabbed a side of the sheet and lifted and she fell or something (thank God I was in the bed so I wasn't going anywhere!) Then she disappeared for a really long time and when she came back Hubs is trying to relax and calm me and she looks at him and says "I have to fill out an accident report, what's your name?" in a super grouchy voice! Then she never returned! LOL apparently her patient was not as important as that report. Thankfully at this point I was feeling better and didn't need a nurse but STILL haha! It kept things interesting that's for sure!

A while later, the doctor came back in and said I wasn't progressing enough on my own and they were going to try a little bit of pitocin again just to see if it would help. My body actually was regressing going from 5 cm to 4 cm which was discouraging. He said they would monitor very closely with only a little bit of the pit and if the baby was at all in distress they would stop. They told me at this point that there was about a 50/50 chance of a c-section but they would do everything they could to avoid it unless it was absolutely necessary. Once they started the pit, my contractions started again, but the baby was in distress again. The heart rate at one point slipped very low almost in the 60s. I was unaware of all of this but my husband and mom were hearing everything and seeing everything that I couldn't. It amazes me how they kept calm so that I didn't worry more. Everyone kept very under control and calm so as not to upset me which really helped. Had I known how serious it was I would have panicked and things would have been much worse. At that point the midwife came in and said that they were concerned about the baby's well being and needed to get in there and get her out as soon as possible because they couldn't tell what the problem was. They were figuring that when she turned posterior that the cord wrapped and since I wasn't progressing on my own and since she was in distress when I was that it was enough reason to go forward with a c-section. I was perfectly ok with this because at that point I just wanted my baby out and safe.

While they prepped the OR and me, I expressed to Hubs how I was disappointed and felt like such a failure because it wasn't working the way it was supposed to and my whole birth plan (yes I had one!) flew out the window. He reassured me that they were just doing what was necessary to keep our baby safe and that I wasn't any less of a woman because I couldn't naturally deliver. He really helped me feel better and I went into the OR excited and calm and ready to meet our baby!

Since June was nowhere to be found, a few other nurses (Kathy in particular was GREAT! We later found out she was our friend Ashley's MIL-small world!) came in to prep me. They had to spend several minutes untangling all the IV wires because of course June had them all tangled! Seriously, it was like a sitcom! I was so glad June was gone at that point! When they wheeled me into the OR, I was numb from the epidural which was really funny because when I got to the OR they had to give me the spinal but I couldn't move from the gurney to the operating table on my own. Here I am, a naked beached whale and all the nurses had to lift me and roll me over! All I could do was crack jokes because at that point, modesty is out the window! They did tell me that I was a fun patient though. It was honestly very cool because I couldn't feel anything but I was completely awake so I got to see and hear everything.

They got me all prepped and a few minutes later Hubs came in and the show was on the road. My doctor asked if I felt anything (which was him poking me with a scalpel!) and I was doubly numbed from both the epidural and the spinal so I was ready to go. I honestly don't remember much except feeling really nauseous...and rightfully so considering they were moving my insides around! But once the anesthesiologist gave me some oxygen I felt way better. Hubs was right next to me holding my hand and we were so excited we could barely stand it!

Finally Dr. C. said "Ok mom what do you think it is?" and I of course said"I think it's a boy!" and then he said "What about you dad?" and he said "Girl!" Then the doctor said "Dad is right! Congratulations on your beautiful girl!"

I was SHOCKED!!! And SOOOOO excited!!! He held her up over the curtain so I could see her and I immediately reached out for her! She was all goopy and slimy and all I wanted to do was kiss and cuddle her! Obviously they had to put me back together like humpty dumpty so Hubs went over to the warmer to see her but I got to hear her cry and they kept me informed the whole time of how she was doing. But before her went they asked us her name and we looked at each other and I said "I think she's a C" and Andy said "I do too." We agreed that would be her name, and from then on our Little Miss was a part of our family! After she was clean and got an APGAR of 8/9 (way to go baby girl!) Hubs got to hold her and he sat by my head with her until they finished up and then he got to go see our family and show her off.

While he was doing that, the doctor explained to me what the problem had been. Her umbilical cord was half the length of a normal cord. Every time I had a contraction it pulled on her cord (and because she was posterior it made it worse). Thank God my doctor had the wherewithal and instinct to do a c-section right away and not wait. Because she never would have made it down the birth canal. There was no way I'd have been able to deliver her naturally because her cord wouldn't have reached! I can only imagine the many many things that could have gone wrong had I not been in the hospital, had I had her later, had I said I didn't want a c-section, had I said I didn't want to be induced...God was watching over us as he gave me my little girl and I am thankful every single minute of every day that she came into the world unharmed and healthy. My mom went home and Googled (she didn't get my memo about not googling!) the complications and things that could have happened and although she didn't tell me I could tell by the look on her face that it could have been a very different and very tragic scenario had we not gone the route we had.

Needless to say I am SO very thankful for my wonderful doctor, and the midwives and nurses at Millard Fillmore who worked so hard to make sure my baby and I were safe. Had I not been in a hospital or had a doctor with a more "wait and see" approach it might have been a very different outcome.

Little Miss is the light in our day, our perfect little angel, and I already can't imagine our lives without her. I sit here writing this on our second wedding anniversary and can't think of a better gift we could have received to celebrate.  Someday I will share my blogs with her so she can see the journey and road we traveled down as we waited patiently for her arrival. I am so excited for all of the milestones that lay ahead for us and our little peanut! We love you baby girl!

Love and Laughs,

Danielle

One Year Ago

Originally posted on October 26, 2012

October 26, 2011-I received my diagnosis. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or to most, PCOS. I will never forget that day because it came after months of struggle and heartbreak and I finally had my "answer" of what was "wrong" with me. This mysterious syndrome was what was keeping me from what I wanted more than anything-a baby.


This was difficult for me to talk about for a long time, but I am one of the lucky ones who was blessed, despite this unfortunate diagnosis. A year ago I never in a million years would have expected to have this beautiful angel in my life. I want to share my story of PCOS so that other women who are given the same diagnosis might be given hope that YES, you can overcome it. We may never get a cure, but we can learn to live with it and manage it and even conceive with it! I am sharing my story in the hopes that it will help someone like me, and to spread awareness of PCOS. It is my hope that one day women won't have to just live with and manage it, but that there will be a cure.


PCOS is still such a mystery to the medical profession and most women that have it don't even know. Yet it will affect an estimated 5 to 10% of women of childbearing age (ages 20-40), and at least 30% of women have some symptoms of PCOS. More than 50% of women with PCOS will develop some form of insulin resistance. It can lead to infertility, endometrial cancer, diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, and depression. The cause is not known and no two women with PCOS have the same set of signs or symptoms. It continues to mystify doctors. There is no cure for PCOS.
(Source: http://www.womentowomen.com/insulinresistance/causesofpcos.aspx)

I will start at the beginning.

I had always been irregular. I figured it was no big deal and in college was put on the pill to regulate my monthly cycles. End of story, or so I thought. I figured that when I was eventually ready to try for a family, I could just go off BC and it would happen immediately. After all, in school, and on TV we are taught how easy it is for a woman to get pregnant. "It only takes one time." Why wouldn't it just happen for me?

Hubs and I were married over a year, had good jobs, a home of our own, steady income-we were ready for a family. So in February 2011 I stopped my nuva ring. I will tell you that within a few days of being off of it I felt SO much better. I had more energy, my skin cleared up, I didn't have any more headaches (for years I had SEVERE debilitating migraines that kept me in bed and could only be relieved through prescription medicine), I lost weight, and I just felt "right." I can't explain it better than that, I just felt like ME again. I know deep down that it was my body finally starting to adjust to regulating itself, without artificial hormones. I felt so good and was so excited to start trying for our family.

For two months I was what society says is "normal." 28 day cycle, textbook! I downloaded one of those apps that is supposed to tell you when you are ovulating and was ready. I had my green days on my calendar so I knew when I was supposed to be fertile. We were "not trying, not preventing" at that point but I was so excited to finally have my body back and not have hormones controlling what my body was supposed to be doing naturally. Well after two months, I started having longer cycles. I went from 28 days to 35, to over 40. I figured my body was just getting back in its own rhythm. I wasn't concerned, even when we started really trying. I figured that if we just tried it would happen. That's how it works in Hollywood after all, right?

In July, I went to a new OBGYN, Dr. P. (who has since retired, which is a huge loss to the medical community as he was wonderful!) I was just having my annual checkup and I let him know we had been trying for a few months. He told me that after being on BC for a long time it can sometimes take a while for the hormones to leave your body and that could be the reason for my longer cycles. He told me to watch them and see how they went and let him know if they continued to become longer. Well that was the beginning of July. I had had AF at the end of June. July and August came and went with no sign of a new cycle starting. I was going broke buying ovulation kits and basal body temperature thermometers and anything else the Internet told me to use. I didn't understand why it wasn't easy.

I had noticed that I was feeling nauseous and had been getting a lot of headaches. I was exhausted and was really moody all the time. At this point I was, (as any woman who is trying tends to) symptom spotting like CRAZY. Ladies, you know how it is. You google every single little thing that is happening to you and ask the google gods if it is a sign of pregnancy. I figured that maybe I was so I took a test. Negative. The next day? Negative. I took a test every day for nearly two weeks. I still hadn't gotten a period, and I was feeling what I thought were pregnancy symptoms. I thought maybe I needed a blood test to confirm, which I had at my doctor and unfortunately, I was not pregnant. I was baffled. How could I not be pregnant? I hadn't had a cycle in nearly three months, and had every symptom in the book! I would soon find out why.

At the beginning of September I finally called my doctor and made an appointment to come in. I wasn't so much concerned that we weren't pregnant yet, because I know it can take some time, and most doctors won't even let you get tested for problems until you have been trying for a year. But in my gut I knew something was wrong because how could I get pregnant if I wasn't getting a period? You can't ovulate or know when you're ovulating if you aren't getting regular cycles so I knew deep down that there was something wrong with me, I just didn't know what it could be.

I was scared. Being a mom is all I ever dreamed of or wanted. I knew if I couldn't have a baby my life would feel meaningless. It was all I could do to not go crazy every time a friend mentioned that someone was pregnant. I was SO happy for everyone I knew that was having babies, but as anyone who is trying knows, there is always a piece of you that still hurts inside when yet another person is pregnant. That's why I will never ask someone when they're going to have a baby. SO SO many people said to us over and over, "So when are you going to have kids?" "What are you waiting for?" It is so insensitive and ignorant for people to say that and I never really "got" it until it happened to me. It is no one's business when anyone is starting a family and you don't know what people have been through. Maybe they have suffered a loss, or are going through something difficult, or have been trying for years. Maybe they CAN'T have children, maybe they don't want children. Whatever the reason it doesn't matter. NEVER ask a person that. I don't care who you are or how close you are with someone. Those are questions that are not meant to be asked. If someone confides in your or opens up to you about it that's one thing. But don't ever ASK. I really feel for the people who get asked that again and again because it's not fair and every time you hear it the wound gets reopened. I really hope people will think before they ask such insensitive questions in the future. For the sake of ALL families who may be having a hard time conceiving.

At my appointment my doctor did blood work and recommended a wonderful book to use to try and help me understand my body a little more. Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler was like my bible over the next few months. I think that every woman should read this book. It is not just for those that are trying to get pregnant. This book is extremely empowering for women because it explains what happens to our bodies and why. I started taking my BBT each morning before even getting out of bed. It became clockwork. The alarm would go off, I would reach under my pillow and pop the thermometer in my mouth (you have to do it before getting out of bed), I would record the temp. in my phone and get up for the day. I charted my fertility signs based on what my body was doing, NOT when the little green days were on the calendar. The apps I learned are a guesstimate that only works for the rare woman. Most women are not fertile when the green days tell you that you are. I charted all of this info. at Fertility Friend. This really helped me to see what was happening but I was also very discouraged because your chart should look like a slow curve with a spike and mine looked like the rocky mountains. My temps were all over the place and so were my fertility signs. It didn't look like I was ovulating.

My doctor had also given me progesterone to make me get my period. I took it twice a day for 5 days and then when I got it I had to schedule my HSG. The HSG is a test where they shoot dye through your fallopian tubes to see if there are any blockages. It doesn't hurt it's just uncomfortable and afterwards I got really bad cramps. I was so scared that there would be scar tissue or a blockage or something but that still wouldn't explain my lack of ovulation. Thankfully my tubes were nice and clear! But that meant we still didn't know what was wrong. That was mid September.  By the middle of October my period hadn't come again and my chart was looking more and more like mountains. And we still had no answers. I called my doctor again to go in and talk to him.

I went to see him on October 26 and he told me what the blood work showed. My FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) and LH (lutenizing hormore) levels were low. So androgens (male hormones...gross I know) take over and overproduce. That meant I had what I had been fearing-I had PCOS. Dr. P. told me it didn't mean I couldn't get pregnant, it just meant I might have a tough road ahead. He told me that there were plenty of options, the first one being Clomid. I would take Progesterone again to make me get my period, and once I got it on the 3rd-7th days I would take the Clomid. The Clomid would hopefully stimulate my body to ovulate. See what happens with PCOS is that if your body does release an egg it gets stuck in your ovaries. They gave me an ultrasound which showed that my ovaries were slightly polycystic, meaning I had eggs trapped in there. They get trapped and they mineralize. In severe cases ovarian drilling needs to be done to get rid of them. Scary stuff. Thankfully mine was mild, but I still wasn't ovulating on my own. Hopefully the Clomid would help that. The strange part was that I was not a "typical" person with PCOS. The classic person with PCOS often had excess hair growth (I thought that was the Italian in me?!), is overweight, can have bald spots, has diabetes, excessive acne, and many other symptoms that I wasn't showing. I later learned that PCOS does not manifest in one certain way. Doctors are still baffled by it and are constantly finding out more and more each day. It's not a "one size fits all" syndrome and there isn't one single way to "fix" it.

Dr. P. told me that we would try this at the lowest dosage for a few months and every 3 months the dosage would get raised. He said when I wanted to get more aggressive we could. It made me feel really good knowing he was on my side. Most doctors don't even test you until you have been trying for a year. I am forever grateful that he found out what was wrong right away. If he hadn't followed his instincts and did blood work then Little Miss might not be with us today. He suggested I try to start a low glycemic diet as well, as many people with PCOS find it helps. I left feeling equally devastated and determined.

As soon as I left his office I called my mom and bawled. I had an answer but it was not what I wanted to hear. How could I have a baby with PCOS? I never even heard of it until recently, and I didn't know where to begin. Why couldn't my body do the one thing a woman's body is supposed to do? All I wanted was a baby and I couldn't even do that. I was so upset. My mom reassured me that we had an answer as to what was wrong and now we could try to fix it. That gave me some hope. She was right. But it still hurt so much. There is a little chapel in Williamsville where you can go and write your intentions and say a prayer and light a candle. I happened to pass by it on my way home and stopped in. I wrote my intention in the journal and prayed for a long time. I wanted guidance as to what I should do. I didn't even know how to process the information I had been given. I left feeling a little better, my head clear. I called my sister and she told me she was coming over to keep me company until Andy got home.

My sister brought me guacamole and wheat tortilla chips, and a piece of chocolate cake. She told me it was my "last hurrah" and the wheat chips were her attempt at being a little healthy. That gave me a good laugh. I needed that. We pigged out and talked and I felt a little better. That night Hubs made me feel even better. He held me and let me cry and told me we have a plan now, so let's not get worked up unless it doesn't work.

That night I got busy. I googled and googled and pored over blogs and websites. I read every last thing I could about PCOS and how to manage it. I learned that women with PCOS have a difficult time metabolizing and breaking down carbs and sugars...similar to a diabetic. I learned that cow's milk is not good for us...and that a low glycemic diet will help keep the symptoms of PCOS at bay, and eventually help the body regulate itself.That weekend I started my new lifestyle. it wasn't a diet, it was a whole new way of thinking. I ate low glycemic pasta and Ezekiel bread, and I even cut out sugar, instead substituting Stevia. I ate a healthy smoothie every morning made with steel cut oats and flaxseed. I made "ice cream" from frozen bananas, peanut butter, and cocoa powder. I threw out everything with high fructose corn syrup and switched to almond milk. Sunday was my sister in law's baby shower and it was hard. It was all I could do not to burst into tears at the sight of all the baby stuff. But I kept it together out of respect for her and kept my head held high. And I didn't eat a single dessert. I cut out all beverages that weren't water and I sprinkled cinnamon on everything (it's known to lower blood sugar). I cut out alcohol and lunch meat and yes, even blue cheese. I made everything with wheat flour instead of white. And I started feeling good. Like really good. I had so much energy and my moods improved. I was working out 4 days a week and I lost 7 pounds in two weeks. I was in the best shape of my life and I did it the healthy way. I wasn't hungry, I wasn't moody, and I had a really positive attitude. I felt like a new person. I couldn't believe how changing my diet could so drastically improve how I felt. My hormone levels were regulating. It was amazing how I could tell that I was getting "better." Not fixed, just managing my PCOS, and it felt great.

I had also started my Clomid and although I was hoping for the best, I wasn't getting my hopes too high. In fact, that month I honestly just was more determined to get myself healthy  than anything else, and I wrote off getting pregnant. I really just was focusing on getting my PCOS handled, and figured it wasn't going to happen the first month anyway, so I wasn't even thinking about it.

The following weekend my mom, brothers, and I were helping my brother move to New York City. It was November 6th, and according to the signs in my book I was fertile. But I was also going out of town and Andy was staying home. Of course, I figured! But I was not hopeful for that month anyway so I put it out of my mind and put it in God's hands. It was important for me to have that time with my family and I am so glad I did. We had so much fun, and it was the first time in a long while that my mom and brothers and I were all together. I cheated on my trip because how could I say no to Sheetz pizza, and homemade cannolis and yes, more pizza in NYC?! It was amazing how GROSS I felt though! My mom even talked me into eating a mayo roll once we got home.  Bad influence! :) I had an amazing time, but once I got home I was glad to get back to healthy eating again.

That week was busy as Hubs and I were getting ready for conferences and report cards and I didn't really think much about things. Of course we were still trying, but we were also trying to keep busy and not get our hopes up. How could it work the first time, especially since I had supposedly ovulated while I was in NYC?

On November 18th I had parent teacher conferences and ALL day I was looking forward to Girl's Night Out for Breaking Dawn and my cheat day! We were going to Melting Pot for cheese and dessert fondue and I couldn't wait to see the movie and my friends and just hang out. SPOILER ALERT - Bella is pregnant in Breaking Dawn! I knew this of course because I read the books, but seeing it on the big screen of course amplified it for me and I got a little misty. I joked to my sister and BFF Kelly, "Wouldn't it be funny if I was pregnant like Bella?" After the movie at Melting Pot I had my first glass of wine in months. I figured life was short and I needed one after all we had been through. I hadn't had anything to drink since my cousin's wedding in June. (Consequently the next day was when we decided that we were going to actively try for a baby. We were emotional and inspired because my cousins Jeff and Lorri announced their pregnancy at the wedding. My whole big Italian family ran to the dance floor and sobbed like babies. It was a lovely hot mess!) So as I was enjoying my cheat day I had this feeling come over me. I felt a little bit sick, like I had a cold, and just had this feeling. I don't even know how to describe it just something niggling in the back of my mind and I couldn't put my finger on it. I went home that night feeling a little icky like I was coming down with a cold or flu and still had that "feeling."

The next day I slept in because I still felt a little sick and we were going to Syracuse to watch my brother play in the football finals. I took my temperature and it was high. I figured because I had a touch of something. Then something made me look back at my chart. I noticed that I had a spiked temp a few days before and that my temp was still high. No, I thought, there is no way. But I just had that feeling. I wondered if the feeling was all in my head and I was setting myself up for disappointment. I didn't even find Hubs, I went in the bathroom and got out my little my dollar tree test (I found that it was a lot easier to use the dollar tree tests because I was testing SO much). As I was waiting for it to inevitably not show another line Andy came in to find me testing yet again. This had been a common scene in recent months. He said it's too early, why are you doing this, you are just going to get yourself upset again. I said, I know, I know, I just figured I would try. It was only showing one line anyways.

He hugged me then and I got a little teary eyed when over his should I saw it. It was VERY faint, but it was there. A very, very faint second line on my pee test. Now I had taken LOTS of pregnancy tests and I knew that the ones with blue dye almost always have a slight evaporation line. And EPT tests do sometimes as well. But dollar tree tests NEVER have an evaporation line. EVER. I said, hold on...I pulled out the big guns for this. I had bought a box of clear blue digital tests on sale for the day when I would need confirmation. I dipped the digital test in the cup (always pee in a cup and then dip the test in...less foolproof, and then if you need to take 15 tests to check you don't have to wait. I am an expert, trust me!) and we waited for what seemed like 10 years. It blinked and blinked and blinked until low and behold...
    

I was seriously in shock. How on earth could it be?! Once it hit me I started to cry and was jumping up and down, pee sticks flailing about. I grabbed Hubs and hugged him so hard. We were both so surprised and shocked and he did not believe it. He was so sure it was a mistake and even I was a little miffed. How could it have happened so fast? The first try on Clomid. We really could not believe what we saw especially because it was SO soon after I had ovulated, or supposedly ovulated. 

We thought originally that I had ovulated on the 6th, but according to my chart that month it most likely happened on the 11th. We found out on the 19th. So we found out 8 days past ovulation. That's almost unheard of, it's so early. That's why charting is so helpful and important if you are seriously trying. I was so scared of a chemical pregnancy because it was so early, but once you have 18 days of higher temperatures it means it is a viable pregnancy. I tested every single morning until I was able to confirm with a blood test that checked that my progesterone was high enough, and that my HCG levels were doubling. Of course, that week was Thanksgiving, so Monday I immediately called to get blood taken because I wanted to check my levels and I went in Monday and Wednesday. Women with PCOS often have a hard time producing enough progesterone to support a pregnancy so I was very nervous. And just my luck, I had to wait until after the holiday to get my results. But since I was testing every day with dollar store tests, it held me over. A note: Dollar tree tests are awesome because the more HCG you have in your system, the darker the lines are. So I was able to check that my levels were doubling because every day the tests got darker. Crazy? Yes, but it gave me peace of mind! And sure enough, Monday after Thanksgiving I learned that both my HCG and progesterone levels were good, and I was to see my doctor for an ultrasound in December.

And with that, we had our peanut :)

 

I still, to this day, cannot believe how fast it happened once I got my diagnosis. And I will never truly know if it was my lifestyle change, the Clomid, the HSG, the weight loss, or a combination of all of it that brought us our baby girl. But I DO know that it made me the happiest, most humble, and most grateful person on the planet. Because through this experience I learned that God works in mysterious ways and if you just trust in Him and believe anything is possible, it can happen. Even with PCOS.

My hope is that one day PCOS will be something of the past. But until then, if you or someone you love is afflicted, know that it is not the end. It's just a different path. And there's a reason you were sent down that path. I want my story to be one that give others hope, and instills a belief that anything is possible through prayer and trust in God, and through serious hard work and dedication. The Lord works in mysterious ways and He doesn't give us anything that we can't handle. I hope that those who get to the dark place where I was a year ago can read this and know it is not the end, it is only the beginning of a different way of looking at the world. Have faith, and know all things are possible through love, and prayer.

Love and Laughs,

Danielle

PCOS Resources:

http://pcosdiva.com/ Awesome website!!! SO much info and she does weekly meal plans and recipes!

http://www.naturallyknockedup.com/natural-treatments-for-pcos/

http://www.incyst.com/ Great support group and blog-recipes, tips, etc.!

http://www.healwithfood.org/pcos/ One of my favs for recipes!

http://fitbottomedgirls.com/ Not a PCOS site, but good recipes!

http://www.3fatchicks.com/living-with-pcos-4-foods-to-avoid/

http://pcoschick.blogspot.com/ Blog by a woman with PCOS

You can also find healthy PCOS friendly recipes and info. by following me on Pinterest: 

http://pinterest.com/dnieder/

A Happy Anniversary

Orignially posted on November 19, 2012.

A short post for today, as I am trying to soak up as much baby time as I possibly can before I go back to work next week :(

But today is a day to be celebrated! One year ago today I got this amazing news:

If you read this post then you know what I went through to get that amazing result. But if you didn't read it, here's an excerpt of how I found out I was pregnant:

 I had this feeling come over me. I felt a little bit sick, like I had a cold, and just had this feeling. I don't even know how to describe it just something niggling in the back of my mind and I couldn't put my finger on it. I went home that night feeling a little icky like I was coming down with a cold or flu and still had that "feeling."

The next day I slept in because I still felt a little sick and we were going to Syracuse to watch my brother play in the football finals. I took my temperature and it was high. I figured because I had a touch of something. Then something made me look back at my chart. I noticed that I had a spiked temp a few days before and that my temp was still high. No, I thought, there is no way. But I just had that feeling. I wondered if the feeling was all in my head and I was setting myself up for disappointment. I didn't even find Andy I went in the bathroom and got out my little my dollar tree test (I found that it was a lot easier to use the dollar tree tests because I was testing SO much). As I was waiting for it to inevitably not show another line Andy came in to find me testing yet again. This had been a common scene in recent months. He said it's too early, why are you doing this, you are just going to get yourself upset again. I said, I know, I know, I just figured I would try. It was only showing one line anyways.

He hugged me then and I got a little teary eyed when over his should I saw it. It was VERY faint, but it was there. A very, very faint second line on my pee test. Now I had taken LOTS of pregnancy tests and I knew that the ones with blue dye almost always have a slight evaporation line. And EPT tests do sometimes as well. But dollar tree tests NEVER have an evaporation line. EVER. I said Andy, hold on...I pulled out the big guns for this. I had bought a box of clear blue digital tests on sale for the day when I would need confirmation. I dipped the digital test in the cup (always pee in a cup and then dip the test in...less foolproof, and then if you need to take 15 tests to check you don't have to wait. I am an expert, trust me!) and we waited for what seemed like 10 years. It blinked and blinked and blinked until low and behold...

                                                PREGNANT.

I was seriously in shock. How on earth could it be?! Once it hit me I started to cry and was jumping up and down, pee sticks flailing about. I grabbed Andy and hugged him so hard. We were both so surprised and shocked and he did not believe it. He was so sure it was a mistake and even I was a little miffed. How could it have happened so fast? The first try on Clomid. We really could not believe what we saw especially because it was SO soon after I had ovulated, or supposedly ovulated.

See, dreams DO come true, and miracles DO happen. I still can't believe how fast a year went by. Here we are a year later and I have this beautiful little munchkin in my life.
So happy anniversary to me, and my hubby, and to our little angel. Thank you for coming into our lives and making me the happiest mommy in the whole world!

Love and Laughs,

Danielle